Friday, January 24, 2014

Controlling EQ

I must share something really interesting I learned today from a consultant who came to my office to talk about EQ.

I feel this is very important and I hope it gives us a thought on how to handle emotions in our everyday life. Of course, listening to the speakers make more sense than reading what I am sharing. But here just some little things I manage to jot down in my handphone to serve as a reminder to me and to my readers.

A lot of us talk about IQ but seldom people know that EQ is as important. It is about being smarter with our feelings. It is a fusion of logic and emotion. We have 'thinking brain' that spells out logic and 'feeling brain' that gives us all sorts of emotion.

Manage your emotion

We must be able to identify our emotion. There is no positive or negative emotion. All emotions are there because of a reason. Once we identify what kind of emotion comes out of play, we have to then understand it. Why do we have that emotion. And then manage it!

Identifying emotions will help you calm down. If you keep your emotions to yourself and thinking you can go to bed and sleep it off, studies prove that you are wrong! You can never forget that emotion by just sleeping. It will mountain up in your mind and that feeling will harbour in your head for the next 20 years. And sometimes you don't have to wait 20 years, give it one month, it will erupt. Then, when the heart and the mind cannot contain the emotion, you will start to say or act badly. And this, my dear readers, will affect people around you.

Emotions are contagious

Your emotions affect other people. When you are angry at something else, but you show it in front of everybody, that kinda mood will impact other people in the same room/house. You have no mood to talk, I have no mood to talk too. So this is bad. Relationships are at stake.

Navigate your feeling

Don't supress, but navigate it away. When emotion comes, deal with it. Do not disregard your emotion. Thoughts can't be controlled when it first come to your head, but feelings can. And feelings drive your action.

You can't live your life on auto pilot mode all the time. Then you wouldn't have a good outcome. What it means is that, you gotta handle your different mood differently.
For example if you are angry at someone for driving recklessly and almost knock your car. You gotta start to think positive. Give reasons for that person, explain to yourself. She might have needed to go to the toilet so badly. Or she may have an emergency at her daughter's school. Whatever, create a story for her. You will not be angry anymore after that.

See. You identify you are angry and the reason for that, then you navigate it away. You are calmer.

Emotional Hijacked

Do not let feelings take over your logic. When your 'feeling brain' takes over your 'thinking brain', you can't think logic anymore and you will not make good decisions. You will act crazily, hysterically, and after that hijack, you will not remember anymore what happened and why you did that. It is called 'Amygdala Hijack'.

Managing the hijack

Brain takes 6 seconds to release chemicals to the whole body. So when you feel so angry, force your brain to release chemical from the 'thinking brain'. How? Count sheeps (don't count just 10, something abnormal, like count until 59 or 78), spell your name backwards. Try to remember the day you gave birth. Then, you can control your feeling.

Managing other people's emotion

Simple. 'Empathy' is the word. Try to understand why this person is acting this way, Acknowledge that person is having an emotion at the moment, and try to tell her "I think maybe you need time on your own? I am here if you need me" It shows you know she is having problem, you acknowledge that, and you are always around.

Don't you think those are really good tips? I really believe in all these things, in fact, I have practiced some of it, but sometimes I refuse to control my anger, not because I can't, itu namanya ikut perasaan. You need to have a partner to share your feelings. So you build each other's emotions right.

Not just at work, but also at home.

Feelings stays forever. People always remember the way you make them feel. Your actions will give either good feeling or bad feeling to other people that will be remembered forever. So choose.

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