Final attempt

I can’t focus anymore. I’ve got 18 hours before I write my name on my answer script. Minus sleeping time, well about 12 hours left. Minus the time to get ready, makan, travelling time, walking to the hall, I have got about 10 hours or so.


I have got to admit that I am not as strong as I used to be 10 years back. Where I could study all night long, and all I needed was just my radio and MSN (in case I get bored). But now, I cannot even last half an hour. Oh, I’m so terrible.

I know I am not showing the right attitude. But what can I do? I am helpless here.

I need to do this. Yes, I know if I don’t pass this round, it is still not the end of the world. But it will be the end of my career.

Ok lah, not that bad, I am just being dramatic here.

It’s been raining the whole day today. My fear is that I will cry after my paper tomorrow. It’s a sign.

Tawakkal.

Spot the difference

My results in November 2008.



July 2009

The moment I saw my friend's result where he passed one of the subjects, i knew already that i failed both.

I couldn't be better than him, I never was. When he failed both in the first round, my fail was worst. When he passed one of those the second time, I failed again.

Argghh.. Why issit so hard to get through the advanced stage.

Why?

Sorry papa.. I have been wasting your money.

I know I am not up to the standard. I should have just sat for ACCA, but I wanted challenge without 'mengukur kain di badan sendiri'.

I should have just get married and be a housewife but my dad has always wanted me to be an accountant. OK lah, it's my dream too.. but it's sooo hard lah.

My father once said "Reach for the stars, if you ever fall, you'll fall on the moon".

But the stars are sooo high for me. You know I am short and stout!

Haiihh...There are times I feel like I'm wasting my time, money and energy. A lot of times I feel like quitting.

But hell....I am NOT a quitter!

Not yet. :D

Hi-hi, bye-bye

Hello, work!

Although the exam has ended, my disappointment is still not over yet. At least, not for another week.

I don’t even have the slightest confidence that I am going to pass any of the papers. Although I would kill just to pass at least one. I would kill for it.

How la to pass? When there are four questions, I answered only three. When there are three, I answered 2. I didn’t even manage to read the last question. What more trying to have an attempt.

I am sooooo disappointed with myself. I know my parents wouldn’t mind if I fail this round again. Although re-taking the paper means my father would have to spend another RM2k for the exams again. The problem is always the pressure at work.

At work, I’ll be the dumb ass, having to take the paper more than once. And the most dreaded moment is to be called by my training officer, Cik habibah.

She’ll be asking, “tell me how come you failed?” So what you want me to say? I have come out with 1001 answers for her before.

“I wasn’t aware that there was a fourth question in the paper”
“I didn’t have enough time to finish”
“Time management”
“Maybe I wasn’t really prepared”

And there was once I answered “I DON'T KNOW”.

The truth is.. I really don’t know why I failed. Duhh, if I knew, I wouldn’t have repeated my mistake, and failed for the second time, now would I?

If there’s one thing that could make me feel better about it, is remembering what my friend’s mom had told us once.

“Kalau la paper tu senang, bukan la paper professional namanya, then semua orang boleh buat, then semua orang boleh jadi accountant, then there’s no credibility in that qualification”.

Lepas tu, ada jugak orang pernah cakap..

“Kalau fail banyak kali tu, maksudnya you are a normal human being. Orang pandai ni bukannya normal sangat.” Walaupun saya percaya itu adalah tipu belaka, sekadar nak sedapkan hati… tapi saya tetap tak berhenti tipu diri sendiri.

“Argghh, I’m glad that I am normal”!

I am supposed to study

Yes, but I just can't do it.
It is Saturday, and I have lots of other things lingering in my mind.

Just looking at the books already demotivates me.


And look at the pile of books that I have yet to open. Hmm.. Funny they are still nicely wrapped up with tali rafia.

How am I supposed to revise all these in less than a month? Don't you think it is very demotivating?

So instead of studying today, I have been occupied with blogs, facebooks and photos. While I do that, Mr Ali is doing this.......

Preparing for his half marathon tomorrow morning.

So after this, I have to get ready to be forced to do the same. Hehe...

Third day in class

My third day in class. I was initially excited. The thought of taking days off from work, the thought of going for revision classes during the holiday, really makes me feel keyed up.

However, towards the end of the session, they get boring and dreary.

Financial Instruments. Yes. Ask any accountants about Financial Instruments, they would definitely show the same expression.

A quote from my lecturer:

Do not read the whole topic on Financial Instruments as you will never understand it. Even the examiners don’t.

A quote from the examiner:

A person, who reads through the text book on Financial Instruments and claims he understands the topic, has clearly not read the topic at all.

It is THAT boring. And its not easy to understand too..

As my lecturer was talking at the front, my mind went all the way to Cardiff, reminiscing those days when I only went for short 50 minutes classes, and then I started to swear why the hell am I attending this 9 hour class.

My thoughts travel quite far thereafter. I started to think of the things that I can do to lose 5kg in a month. Bicycle, run, diet, slimming spa, badminton. Arghhh Jiwa kacau.

Then I began to think of what type of baju raya shall I make this year. Kebaya, Kurung modern, Kurung biasa.

Suddenly, the class went quiet. I realized that my lecturer was asking whether or not we understood what he had illustrated. So I konon-konon looked at the book and pura-pura baca and I gave an expression yang memang telah mengkantoi kan diri ini.

“Ooooo”.. saya mengangguk sambil pandang the opened book dengan muka puas seolah-olah sudah paham apa yang diajarkan.

“Okay, let me remind you, looking at the notes again, I am actually referring to page 16 now,….” OMG, he deliberately said the page number. That’s because I was left far behind at page 13 and he NOTICED that.

Sorry Tim, I lost you at “Now we’re gonna look at financial instruments…..” which was about an hour ago before I realized that I was actually sleeping with my eyes open.

Final Exam

Dear Ali,

GOOD LUCK IN YOUR EXAMS!

13th MAY 2009 to 3rd JUNE 2009


Determination... the key to success..

All the Best..!

Exam is here!

Yesterday was my last mock paper. And I have already gotten my marks for the first set of mock. Haihh… not convincing at all. The passing mark for the exam is 50. My lecturer told us to aim just 50 marks, which is half of the full marks. But I went and get half of the passing mark instead. Ok la..a bit more than that.. But still..! 20 marks away from passing, mana nak cari??

It’s really not an easy exam(chewah.. salahkan exam plak!). Otak dah berkarat agaknya… It’s really frustrating when you see something that you have not encountered before during your lectures or revision and it comes out in your mock exam for 40 marks, and your real exam is just a week away.

Each paper consists of a 100 marker questions to be done in 3.5 hours with 2.5 pages worth of each question. I always wonder how can they actually find time to go to the washroom during the exam, when I don’t even have time to even take a sip of coffee. Now it’s almost here.. in less than a week, I’m gonna take that exam. The most killer papers so they said. Well I just have to get through these two papers, and I’ll be 90% away from bringing my misery to an end.

I would like to take this opportunity to wish Ali all the best in his exam. He’ll be sitting for his paper tomorrow. I’ll pray for you and I believe in you!

We need all the luck we can get!

Back to school

Many would give me a positive reaction when they hear I’ll be on study leave for over 2 months, some even envy my privilege. Well, believe me..it’s no fun at all. It’s not like going to class for 3 hours daily, 3 times a week. But it’s more like going to class 6 to 9 hours daily, 6 days a week. Public holidays are irrelevant as most of my lecturers are from the UK so they won’t be celebrating Nuzul Quran, nor Deepavali and not even Raya. But luckily for me I have a short break for Raya for probably about 3 days but unlucky enough to be sitting for a progress test on the 4th day of raya. So there goes my Hari Raya (or shall I forgo my test? :p)

So today I am back to school and until November, my life will be strained with books and tests. I’ll be missing a lot of social events but hopefully I can still be active in running events.

And that got me thinking to myself. Running is actually never been in my list to-do. Even when I started to join Ali in running events, I never made it within the cut-off time. And it’s not that I have been actively participating in all sports events. But I do miss running. I can be running on a treadmill or on the running track for one and half hour for all I care. But it’s never the same running together with over a thousand of people with some familiar faces and more importantly, doing it together with my loved one. =)

And now it’s gonna be over a month without running, my body will be back to being unhealthy and unproductive.

Going back to school today, has really given me the feeling of going back to Cardiff Uni. Considering it has been constantly raining at night, you could feel the chilliness the next morning. So with my files and my bags and my selipar, and you could see international students walk with me towards the school, and I’m with my cardigans (because the lecture hall is blardy cold, mat salleh bukan reti sejuk! So the air cond is at max) the feeling is almost the same as going to school for Spring semester. Only this time, the lectures don’t seem to be easy for me, when I have to cover 17 chapters in 5 days. Imagine the materials you learn back in school that would probably take you two semesters to cover but is being covered in 5 days before the commencement of another subject module.

Why did I sign up for this when my ambition is to be a housewife? :p