Thursday, July 23, 2009

Hi-hi, bye-bye

Hello, work!

Although the exam has ended, my disappointment is still not over yet. At least, not for another week.

I don’t even have the slightest confidence that I am going to pass any of the papers. Although I would kill just to pass at least one. I would kill for it.

How la to pass? When there are four questions, I answered only three. When there are three, I answered 2. I didn’t even manage to read the last question. What more trying to have an attempt.

I am sooooo disappointed with myself. I know my parents wouldn’t mind if I fail this round again. Although re-taking the paper means my father would have to spend another RM2k for the exams again. The problem is always the pressure at work.

At work, I’ll be the dumb ass, having to take the paper more than once. And the most dreaded moment is to be called by my training officer, Cik habibah.

She’ll be asking, “tell me how come you failed?” So what you want me to say? I have come out with 1001 answers for her before.

“I wasn’t aware that there was a fourth question in the paper”
“I didn’t have enough time to finish”
“Time management”
“Maybe I wasn’t really prepared”

And there was once I answered I DON'T KNOW”.

The truth is.. I really don’t know why I failed. Duhh, if I knew, I wouldn’t have repeated my mistake, and failed for the second time, now would I?

If there’s one thing that could make me feel better about it, is remembering what my friend’s mom had told us once.

“Kalau la paper tu senang, bukan la paper professional namanya, then semua orang boleh buat, then semua orang boleh jadi accountant, then there’s no credibility in that qualification”.

Lepas tu, ada jugak orang pernah cakap..

“Kalau fail banyak kali tu, maksudnya you are a normal human being. Orang pandai ni bukannya normal sangat.” Walaupun saya percaya itu adalah tipu belaka, sekadar nak sedapkan hati… tapi saya tetap tak berhenti tipu diri sendiri.

“Argghh, I’m glad that I am normal”!

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