The best that I've had today:
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, an elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked "Mrs Jones, do you know me?" She responded "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly you've been a big dissapointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people, and talk about them behind their backs. You think you are a big shot , when you haven't the brains to realise you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you"
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked "Mrs Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied "Why yes, I do. I have known Mr Bradley since he was a youngster too. He's lazy, bigoted and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counsels to approach the bench and in a very quiet voice said, "If either of you idiots ask her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair."