No matter how long you have been married to each other, there are always a lot of things to be improved. No marriage is perfect. Hence, both husband and wife were made for each other, have to constantly reminding each other, to make a happy family.
Mufti Menk, on marriage.
1. Everything is created with partners/spouses/pairs.
2. If you take care of your tongue and private parts, paradise is guaranteed for you.
3. If before marriage already lived in together under shadows of syaitan, when you get married, syaitan will make you fight, and influence you for adultery with somebody else. But if you marry for the right reason, you will always have natural feeling towards your wife, that you have never had it before marriage, maybe more in love than before.
4. Sunnah Rasulullah s.a.w: Be conscious with your pair, created from the rib of Adam a.s. Know that man was created from something dead (soil) but woman was created from something alive (Adam's rib).
Masya Allah... so females are actually gifts to men. (After Adam A.S doa to Allah that he was lonely, Allah s.w.t created Hawa.
5. Be conscious with Allah s.w.t. You will never disrespect your responsibility towards your family, no cheating etc.. because Allah watches you.
6. Be conscious of wombs in your wife, mother, and mother in law. The wombs carry all your zuriat.
7. Those who live separately with the parents, insyaAllah will have better relationship with the parents. There shouldn't be 2 kings/2 queens in a house. Parents must allow their children to live separately and not to interfere with their lives.
This is very true. I am currently staying with my parents, and yes, there are issues when there are 2 kings in the house. When it's about paying stuff and taking care of things in the house, we were always being reminded that we are adults and now it's time for us to take over. But when about making decisions about the family and that sort, we are just kids. So yea..not that I don't love my parents, but I think these issues will be resolved, once we are on our own.
8. 99% problems of marriage comes from communication, the way we speak. Husbands have to make jokes, praise the wives, make them smile and blush, be as romantic as possible like Rasulullah s.a.w used to do with his wives. Speak up when you have to speak.
Also true. My husband is not a romantic person. And he doesn't speak his mind very often too. Seldom praise me, well nothing to praise I suppose. He is too honest that sometimes it hurts me. Ouch..truth hurts.
9. A woman controls the love in her man. Smile, cook, do everything for him. Man will have inclination towards the woman even if the cooking is not nice.
Ermm...must remind the husband, he is too honest with my cooking.
10. To make a happy home:
- spend time
- tolerate on differences
- tender and lenient, calm and polite, sweet talk
Hard and harsh will drive the partner away.
11. Thankful to your partner always to show appreciation.
12. Always try to put yourselves in your spouse's shoes. Try understand where they coming from.
13. High tone of voice in the house will make people in the house lose respect towards you. If a child see the father or mother scream and shout, this will haunt them forever. Lose respect.
14. Select your words when speak to wife or children. Instead of saying 'shut up', just put your finger on the nose to ask them keep quiet.
15. How to choose a spouse: Beauty, stability, closeness to Allah. Find a woman that has a good bring up, because your children will follow you.
I think this applies to women as well. Choose your spouse wisely. Not just about love. Love can be developed after marriage.
16. For women to work is last resort. Primary role is to give birth and to take care of homes. That is why womb is not placed in men.
Well, I can't do this yet. I think if you work and you still give birth and able to keep your family harmony, it's tough, but it's most respected. Because you work, to reduce the burden of your husband, right? But of course I have to hire a maid for washing and cleaning. So I am not there yet ok. I wish I can work and do housework at the same time. But I can't. Kene improve? Yes. Ke arah isteri mithali, insyaAllah.
But basically all other things yang Mufti Menk cakap are mostly reminder for the men. Too many responsibilities in a man to keep your family together. So, my man! A lot to improve?